Friday, July 19, 2013

If you seek a pleasant peninsula... too bad.

Looking for this season's hottest vacation spot? Look no further than Lower Crooked Lake.


This luxurious location has been a family favorite for generations (at least four!) and provides a relaxing environment for you and your loved ones. When you arrive, be sure to say "Hello!" to the family, ready to greet you with a smile!


Perhaps you'd like to take a fanciful cruise on the pontoon with some of your dearest friends at hand? (Don't forget your life pacifier! Er... preserver!)


Or maybe you'd rather gather around the campfire for a gourmet dessert consisting of toasted marshmallows, crispy graham crackers and the finest chocolate, stacked into a sinfully sweet heap?


Maybe looking for the catch of the day is more your pace. If so, get your spinner bait and jig and head out to the dock to take your chances with the bass and bluegill. Catch something worth keeping? "That's awesome!"


You can always recline near the trailer with every camper's best friend (the beer, I mean).


However, remain vigilant for the dangers ever-present. Loose planks on the dock, risk of falling into the lake from a drifting boat or not wearing shoes in front of Grandpa are minor compared to the threat of Buno. Hold on to your eyeglasses, because this dude will snatch them up quicker than you can say Jim and Billie if you dare to dive into the murky depths where his despair festers from the pain of unrequited love. Don't wander too far onto Buno Island, for you may run into the shrine he built in an effort to impress his beloved, bringing inexplicable horrors upon yourself (mainly inexplicable because we haven't actually met anyone who has been tormented by Buno. We're guessing he doesn't leave survivors).

For your reference, artisic rendering of Buno pictured below:


It's best to arm yourself as heavily as possible.


On second thought, just stay home. I don't think there's enough room for dabofofus.

1 comment:

  1. HOW IS IT THAT I AM NOT READING THIS??????
    Gold, pure gold.

    ReplyDelete