Thursday, August 22, 2013

Someday my prince will come bring me a glass of wine and a piece of dark chocolate

Guess what! I'm a princess!

I had been suspecting it for years based on my inability to sleep if there's even the slightest wrinkle in my bed sheets, or if my pillow is lumpy (AKA Princess and the Pea syndrome)

I came to realize my status while driving my children around town in my complete-with-third-row-seating SUVhorsedrawncarriage and listening to the family favorite "Tangled Songs."

As Rapunzel was describing her day, wondering when her life will begin, I commiserated greatly with the young lass. Both of us, living life, waking up at 7am, cleaning and cooking and baking all day, playing hide and seek with little green creatures with sticky tongues....

I got to thinking about the other Disney princesses, and how they lived their lives in the rising action of their films. It appeared most of them were restricted women, locked in towers and homes, forced to complete domestic duties and stick to familial obligations.

Then they met the men of their dreams, ran away and ruled kingdoms or something.

Little girls of the world: That's real life. Only backwards.

First you're swept away by Prince Charming, THEN you're locked in a tower with a hairy beast and what seems like seven small people, talking to birds, eating rotten apples, and hiding your trinkets in a secret cove to protect them from being demolished by irate mermen.

Don't worry, ladies. It's actually a lot better than it seems. Every day my Prince comes and sweeps me off my feet, and the next day I get to do it all over again. What those Disney movies didn't tell you, is that you find much more joy in serving a family that you love and doing the daily tasks together, than in dancing the night away with some strange man with a foot fetish.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have some royal doodies to which I must attend.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Taller than the tallest tree is

If I could live off of banana nut muffins for the rest of my life, I totally would.

These things are probably the best thing I've ever made. I figure they have to have some sort of nutritional value. They're vegan, so there's that, right?

Forget that I'm mildly allergic to bananas. And nuts.

I have no idea where I'm going with this.

Oh yeah, so my husband and I will be married for five years this week! (don't judge, there's a connection. The husband likes bananas, and I'm a nut)

The poor husband. I've been considering opening up his cause for sainthood.

He has to listen to my endless bellyaching day after day after day.... and then come home from work and listen to it some more while I demand that he spend "Quality Time" with the kids, wash the dishes, take out the garbage and for goodness sake open that box of wine before I just poke some holes in it, get a straw and go to town!!!

Then there's the fact that I'm terrible at buying gifts for him. The only thing I have working for me for anniversaries is that we go by the traditional gift guidelines.

Turns out you can find pretty much ANYTHING YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE made out of wood.

Thanks, Etsy. You've limited my gift choices not at all. Way to go.