Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Clean up, clean up, wash your dirty underwear!

There are certain chores I despise.

Sure, washing the dishes and doing the laundry are time-consuming, never-ending tasks. However, there are other things much much worse than those.

I call these tasks "invisichores": those chores that, upon completion, no one either notices nor cares that you spent precious minutes of your life performing said tasks.

Here are my top 3

3. Cleaning the microwave

The caked on spaghetti sauce and pulled pork were disgusting and intolerable yesterday, but does the husband even acknowledge the sparkling microwave with its lemony scent today? No. Perhaps next time I'll leave the turntable in the sink as evidence.

2. Dusting

Personally, I don't dust unless the Pope is coming over, but I can imagine that the absence of dust is hardly any more unsettling than the presence of it in my home. I just pretend the layer of dust all over the bookcase is in fact the actual color of the wood and not dust mite excrement.

1. Cleaning the toilet

Not only do I risk being splashed by water that has touched a container that has touched human waste, but it takes me freaking forever to clean the toilet! I don't know why, maybe I'm doing it wrong. The only bonus to this chore is that I always leave the blue liquid in the toilet afterwards as proof.

There you have it. Have fun doing your chores. I know I won't notice they've been done.

Let me know if you have some invisichores of your own, and how you leave proof that you didn't just spend your day eating bon-bons and watching weird Netflix shows.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A moving buddy. If you don't have one, get one!

I have terrible timing.

About a month ago I decided to rip out ten hideous bushes from my backyard that stood about 20 feet tall. Now, when the temperature has been running about 100, I decide I must plant some flowers.

What is wrong with me?!?!

First of all, no one is even selling flowers anymore. The nurseries are closed, and the garden stores have shriveled-up sorry excuses for perennials on triple-double clearance.

Nevertheless, I will be trekking to the Husband's ailing grandmother's house to rip out three hydrangeas and two roses to plant at my house. I hardly even enjoy moving about in such weather as this, yet I'm about to go force these poor plants into tiny pots and drag them 10 miles to a new home. How

Wish me luck and lots of water.

The poor hydrangeas will be needing it.