Friday, October 28, 2011

5 little monkeys, eating crayons, making messes and jumping on the bed.

It seems some moms have stopped listening to their maternal instinct and have instead turned toward the internet for parenting advice.

What (most of) the internet won't tell you:

1. Babies grow up.

It may seem like a good idea at the time, to have a cute little bundle of joy to carry around like a fluffy purse-dog as if you're a more fertile version of Paris Hilton. Then they become toddlers, and suddenly you're cleaning up pancake syrup and permanent marker all day, and you realize maybe a dog would have been better, because at least you can send them in the backyard when they're covered in stink. I can't speak from experience, but I'm sure it only gets better as those precious little ones continue to shed their sheepskin as they progress into tween-hood and beyond.

2. Television is a perfectly acceptable babysitter for your children.

Don't misunderstand. I don't allow my 2-year-old to watch Yo Gabba Gabba all day every day until his mind is cream-of-wheat. However, when I want to shower, you better believe DJ Lance and company are preventing my child from setting the house on fire or climbing into the crib to choke the baby with diaper pins while she sleeps.

3. You will have a favorite child.

I know, you're not supposed to pick favorites, but I totally do. As my mother said before me, "My favorite child is whichever one is causing the least trouble." Don't tell anyone, but Z is my favorite.

4. Listen to professionals.

There's a reason they're called professionals. Doctors and nurses really know what they're doing. I'll admit, there are some "professionals" who are too ignorant to admit their ignorance, in which case you should follow your gut. For the most part they want to help. They probably have looked at research why your baby should sleep on their back and receive ALL the recommended vaccines only in an effort to keep your baby safe, NOT to tell you how to be a mother.

I know I'm not a perfect mother, but I've got to be better than that woman who kept letting monkeys jump on the bed, even though the doctor kept telling her no more!

P.S. G is my Favorite.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

For everything there is a season.

The weather has been unseasonably warm these last few weeks. Some blame it on global warming, or green house gases, or cow farts, or whatever. I blame it on baseball. That's right. Baseball.

Somehow we're managing to play baseball, hockey and football all at the same time. That's like wearing a coat and scarf with a white sundress.

Clearly there's no definitive seasons anymore, so I say take a free-for-all on fashion and go wild with "out of season" styles! Because if we can still have baseball well into October, then I see no reason why I can't wear my white shorts with cork wedges well into the post-season.