Minus the Russian spies and all that....

I am recanting my previous post and moving further back in time. Supporting statements as follows.

Point 1:

The Husband claims that people are getting more and more obese every year because of air conditioning. We've been trying to get a little more fit lately. Ergo, it's now 80 degrees in my house. Surprisingly, the conditions are not as miserable as I first assumed.

Point 2:

Since it is now so warm in my homestead, and of course considering I'm as fashionable as they come ("they" being 20-something mothers of two who have too many student loans, watch too much Gossip Girl, and have a Target card) dresses are taking over my closet. It's incomprehensible how many adorable dresses exist in stores this year. I think I might accidentally buy five right now.

Point 3:

Speaking of shopping on the internet, I purchased a new iron yesterday. It has inclined me to embrace my status as goddess of domesticity and iron all of the Husband's shirts, my bed sheets, the children's clothes, and the curtains that I don't even own... yet. All of this, of course, will be completed while wearing heels and pearls in my fabulous new dresses.

In conclusion, I watched Rear Window last night. I'm certain I will present myself as Grace Kelly, in her $1,100 Parisian gown on a 90 degree day with nary a bead of sweat, and not as the chubby sunbather who makes weird sculptures and yells at the murderous neighbor about flowers or something.

Well, maybe I'll just shoot for the middle ground and be the quick-witted home care nurse, Stella. That lady is ballin'.

Getting my Cardigan on.

I can't care about anything but vehemently rocking out to 90s pop-tunes.




While I'm at it, I'm going to wear ostentatiously colored shorts and jelly shoes. That's right, I'm in elementary school again. Thanks for the selection of everything in neon, Target!

Food is delicious.

I have two things for you to digest today.

Number one:

Stop comparing breastfeeding mothers to monkeys.

I get it. Primates are kind of like humans, having opposable thumbs and wearing clothes while they play musical instruments and all that. BUT THEY'RE ANIMALS! Just because a chimp suckles her babes until they're in preschool doesn't mean I have to. Humans have the ability to make intelligent decisions for themselves and their young that are not based solely on continuing the species. Love and affection are a few key ingredients in the mix.

(Disclaimer: I fully, 100% support breastfeeding until you and your babe are absolutely ready to discontinue, whether that be at 6 months or 6 years)

Number two:

I think I'm going to eat banana bread for every meal, and bake it every day. I'm also going to add pecans and chocolate chips to the batter, every day. Also, love and affection.

Holy Roller? Holy Roller.

You might have heard of this 2 word story thing before. I really don't know much about it, but I do know that I see the signs all over the place.

Today I saw one that said "Content? Content."

I thought, "that's the dumbest thing ever."

I suppose living a Christian life can make you feel more content, but I think it should do exactly the opposite. While striving to become more like Christ, we should feel challenged, and empowered. Never content.When we start to feel too content with our spiritual lives, that's when we invite laziness, and we stop working to become more holy.

And just so you don't feel like I'm getting too serious:

Happy Birthday, G!!

Video game championship.

How my life is like Tetris:

I know for a fact that all of my 3oz liquids and gels fit into that 1 quart bag for the flight out. How has my face wash bottle turned without my consent from a convenient line to one of those T shaped pieces with a tail growing from it?! And who put a square lotion right in the middle!?!?

The fridge was almost certainly empty when I left to go grocery shopping. I know I spent over $200 on groceries, but does that mean they need pile into the fridge with such speed that I'm mere fractions of a second away from sure demise? I will not fail you, pork tenderloin!

The kids are packed neatly in their beds at precisely 8pm. We beat the clock and every toy is stacked away nicely. I finally have a sense of accomplishment on leveling up and must force myself to take a break from the challenges or I'll definitely dream of blocks falling from the sky (although that might not be a dream if I don't tread lightly near the bookcase where the toys were precariously piled...)

It's morning, and the call of the game is unrelenting (or maybe that's Z saying "Hello! Mom! Come Here!"). We're onto the next level, but I think today we'll just stick with cuddling on the couch, three in a row with no squares in-between.

We'll go for the record number of tetrises when the husband gets home. He'll fit right in to family cuddle time, FTW.

It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose.

Turns out the 90 degree weather last week was a fluke. It got down to below freezing again yesterday. Oh, Michigan.

On a related note (in that Michigan is a bizarre place), my husband will not let me cut my hair. It's not like I want to do anything drastic... just take off a couple inches or 10. To make his defense, he cited a bogus Michigan law at me (see #7). So I guess for now I'll settle with my beautiful flowing locks and get an adorable hair cut when my husband finally comes around to the 21st century. (20th? 22nd? I've never understood centuries...)

For those of you curious, toddler accidents are easier to clean off of the wood floor than off of underpants.

Potty training isn't going too well.

Finally: I want a pet pig! Recently the husband and I discovered tea-cup piggies. Way. Too. Fun.

We decided we need a new house before we get a few, though. Our current piglets make it a little difficult to store a litter box for the new pig. Toddlers and pig poop is a combination I don't intend to experience. Dreadful.

I'm totally serious about the pig thing. I will have one some day.

Random update: It feels like spring outside.

I only have six years and five months to learn fluent Italian. I thought I was fluent for one evening, but that may have just been my friend Jack Daniels translating for me. Molto male.

There are way too many cute things to buy in the world, and I want them all. Seriously, why do I not own this whisk???

Life if extremely stressful. Insight: that must be why there are so many fun things available for purchase. They're there to distract us from how horrible life can be.

Sea salt and chocolate is a magical combination. Also, bacon is a superior meat product.

Cell phones make people dumb. Really, is Angry Birds more intriguing than.... anything else in the word? Pink whisks, for example?

Finally: I love colors.